on the run

I’m on the run from something today. it all started when I picked up a copy of the February Essence magazine. Before I knew what was going on, I was struck in the back of the head by a wave of emotions and flattened on my back. I’m driving and crying, crying and driving. In the magazine there are pictures of b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l black men and more so, there are these stories of romance with them. It’s hard to describe here and this is not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how desparately i have been running from my own life. How deeply seated my desire for romance and love is and how hard i run from the knowledge of it. it is as if i stare at it too long, it will hypnotize me and engulf me. i don’t really have pretty words to describe it, but hopefully spellcheck will help with this. i want romance so bad and i feel that i will never have it and that feeling makes me so sad i cannot breath for a moment and then i start to cry because the one thing i needed most is the one thing i have been denied all my life.

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