tidal waves of emotion

Whirlwinds of emotions today. I don’t really know which direction to go in my writing. Do I continue to mull over the turn of events at work? or do I pull out my February copy of Essence magazine and start crying. Dem mens is fine!

I think I’ll talk about the men…or rather, the emotions the men evoked in me.

As I read the romantic suggestions for dates, I became very sad and melancholy. Emotions wash over me like tidal waves.  My emotions make me feel like I’m a surfer waiting for the perfect wave with my back to the ocean. Picture it if you will: i am standing on the shore with my surfboard under my arm, waiting for the perfect wave. It may be a few miles out, so i turn my back to the wave, and look back at land. I’m only in about 3 or 4 feet of water, and I feel safe. But the wave was moving faster than I calculated, and while I’m looking at whatever I’m looking at, a 50 foot wave approaches. I’m unprepared for the lift of the wave, my surfboard is not under me, and I’m swept underneath the wave.  Didn’t even have time to catch me breath, so now I’m under water, feeling like i’m about to drown. I’m saved by big strong arms (this is God, ya’ll) but just the very idea of being so caught off guard is the point.

This is how my emotions can be sometimes.  Not often, but sometimes.

The emotion is lonliness. I tell myself over and over again that I don’t need a man, and besides, I’m so imperfect that there’s noone who could put up with this broken vessel. I comfort myself with foot, shopping, work, blogging, even the writing is a panacea at times. But every now and then, i wish for a relationship. You know, someone who I could look forward to coming home to. But more importantly, someone who adores–me. He’d be the lover I always wanted. 

Funny valentine, sweet comic valentine…


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