…writing the story

What an amazing time in Bible study today. God is using this medium to express the things I have needed to know and hear all my life. No wonder I was so resistant to going before. It was the enemy trying to prevent things from going well for me…and he was winning there for a while.

I’m thrilled to report that I am now released to write my story; the memoir that i have been afraid of all these years. i have always, automatically denied that i had the ability to write a novel or memoir. i had various excuses including that my memory was so poor that i would be unable to remember any details about my life as a young person. I am now challenged to prove if this is truth or a lie: God has today called me to write this story.

it is the story of a woman who has a unique set of circumstances. My father died when i was 4 years old, leaving me without a father figure and a questionable relationship with my mother (did she or did she not want me?).  I am an only child so I have never had brothers or sisters to rely on or relate to. I have never been married so i was never conditioned to rely on a man, nor have I flirted to get what I want, or play man-woman games. I have always been straightforward with men and have no mate to show for my trouble. I have therefore never known what it means to be married and all that is required or involved in that. I was born on the day of love, Valentine’s day, which i have recently learned was–like everything else in my story–not coincidence but providence. God created the perfect storm in me and now is my time to tell others.

i confessed today that i have always struggled with being self-reliant and self-sufficient and found it difficult to submit to God (or anybody else for that matter) because I felt I had to figure everything out myself. Even when i had tried to trust God, I got frustrated with waiting for him, and sometimes he had nothing to say in answer to some of my life-questions,  so I did the next best thing: What I felt was right or best.

And then my back was against the wall. The tree in my backyard was falling down and i had no idea how to stop it.

That day changed everything. Everything became new. I was reborn.

A  young man named Lamont pressed two $5 bills into my palm today and told me to go write my book.

I am blessed. I am loved.

The first line of the story has already been written: “My father had just passed away when Dr. King gave his “I Have A Dream” speech in Washington, DC.”

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