sticks and stones

why do people have to attack with words in order to be heard? i don’t understand why people use words in such hurtful ways. as children, we hear the sing-song of “sticks and stones” and begin to believe that words will never hurt us. but this is simply another fallacy, a myth of childhood that takes years to deprogram. some children believe that the world is a good place and that their mothers and fathers love them. They grow up in warm loving environments that nurture their spiritual growth and propel them into the world.

sometimes

and then in that moment of propulsion, loaded with enough rocket fuel to take them beyond the sun, they collide with the likes of me.

i tripped over a passage i was working on in June of 2007 that is frighteningly and shockingly familiar to me three years later.  (I was looking for a quote for the blog when I came across this passage). Here’s what I wrote in my e-journal then:

6-25-2007

 When did I stop loving myself? When did I stop caring for that person: that person faithfully staring back at me in the mirror?

 There is no excuse, there is no justification, no explanation.  I might as well have followed through with my plans to end this miserable existence; this un-watered garden of dreams (dying), faith (wilting) and hope (browning in the noon-day sun). The weeds of responsibility, duty and obligation have choked the life—the green—the breath, the bloom—from the garden. Nothing’s blooming—all is brown and gray.

 For shame, dear God, for shame to let e-mails and snail mail, .com, .org, bills, invoices and to-do lists cloud the days. Waking up thinking ‘just let me get through the day’ is no way to live. When did my angels fall asleep and neglect their watch over me? Or are they distracted by other things, too?

 What strikes me funny is that I’ve prayed this prayer before—many times.

 Is God, too, distracted? Could it be the beauty of morning; waves beating against shores; Northern Lights; sun setting behind mountains, war, violence, destruction, corruption, poverty, disease, others… to hear the call?

Even three years ago, guilt about living the life God had given me tormented me. today i promise myself to love myself today…call a friend, pretty flowers, clean my sanctuary, write a poem, something, that gives God glory and me pleasure!

for Bugs Bunny, Fog Horn-Leg Horn
the Jackson 5 eight-track
Road Runner, Yosemite Sam
a bowl of frosted flakes
in front of the television
the Boogey Man

a pajama clad bottom
facing the ceiling
jumping up and down on mother’s bed
David Cassidy & The Partridge Family
napping until way past noon
Atari
Nintendo
Fat Albert
diving for cover from aliens into the cushions
on the sofa
the Cosby Show
Lawrence Welk and Carol Burnett
staying up an hour later on Saturday night

nostalgia

Stay tuned folks!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: