on grieving and never giving up

today was a good writing day. wound up at the Emerson branch library so i could have peace and quiet to work. got focused enough to do some invaluable research into the grieving process. i am working on the poem about Jeremiah and the piece that is missing is about his mom who grieves his loss. His birthday is coming up and she is feeling the pressure to grieve for him but whenever i see or interact with her, she acts as if everything is okay.

i know it is not

her baby was violently taken away from her. one minute he’s safe and the next he’s in the hospital fighting for his life and the next he’s dead.

so i worked on that poem and edited 3 others. including the one I like on nostalgia. i’m trying to write a poem that captures the essence of nostalgia and sentimentality. a poem that takes you back to childhood by the vivid images. the vehicle are the 5 senses (sights, sounds, tastes, feel/touch and smell) although I submit that music has the power to take a person to a place where they can get in contact with themselves. oh, is that the sense of sound??? oh well, i love music so it always has hypnotic power with me.

amazingly, i’ve been blogging for six months. of course when i set out to do this, i intended to put something in the blog every day without fail. That didn’t always work for me, either because i was so dead tired i couldn’t lift my fingers to strike the keys on the keyboard, or keep my eyes open. sometimes i honestly didn’t have anything to say and everything to say at the same time and couldn’t decide how much of what i might be feeling with the g.p. (general public).

but i have come to trust my blog. today i was thinking: i wonder if my friends are quietly reading my thoughts and haven’t subscribed or commented on the blog. voyeuristic friends who stand in the wings, afraid to get in the boat with me and struggle with me. are they friends at all if that’s the case? because by now they must know that this writing life for me is the fight of my life. sometimes everything around me says “Quit While You’re Ahead” and i won’t do it. My dogged determination is well-tested. This is the double-edged sword of who I am. many condemn me for being so stubborn and were it not for my hardheadedness, where would i be?

to be continued… for sure [:-o)  😀   {;-O]


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