hungry, desperate & searching

i have missed my blog so much. i don’t even remember the last entry.

today, i awake with God on my mind, wrote a prayer to him about my life and how i feel about my mother; felt sorry for myself for a minute or two and then began to think about Mama Sonia. i wondered what challenges she faced yesterday and what horizons await today. i’d like to correspond with her, but i also wonder if i still have her e-mail address. perhaps i will dig it out and  communicate with her. however when i visited her website i found that she has been writing haiku and has published another book. Atta-girl, Sonia. because when i realized that i was steeping myself in self-pity i kicked my butt and got up.

i realize that i am exactly where the Creator intended for me as an artist: hungry, desperate, searching, questioning, observing. even if i am the subject. this is a unique opportunity, leading up to the writers’ well retreat in Sharpsville next month (about 3 weeks away actually) for me to write, and sharpen my pencils to write some more.

instead of bemoaning the isolation and reveling in loneliness, I thank God for it and ask him to help me use it to the fullest. After all, I’ve got a book to write and a lot more poems.

Here’s one i’ve been working on…this is a piece about having been separated from my art as if art were a lover. Isn’t it anyway?

Trauma (for Diane Valentine)
 
 
i searched for days for you
i looked in every hamlet, town and city
and could not find you
i wandered hillsides and valleys
i climbed on top of rooftops
and called your name
but there was no answer
you–my lover–were not to be found
 
you have become a portent to many
a distant memory
like an overgrown path
that points without fail uphill
that leads to a bright emerald city
the yellow brick road has faded
and is now beige and boring
 
i relentlessly seek your face
once again i will rejoice at your arrival
i will find you again
my search will come to an end
i will call your name and
you will answer back
you will call my name and
i will be found
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