make a decision, take a step

this is the message from God on Facebook this morning…

that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

I’ll address that God has a Facebook page later.

all day long, like, I’ve been thinking about what this decision was. seems like i’ve been up against a rock and a hard place for so long, that i went ahead and made curtains for the windows and planted hostas in the front yard!!! I mean, really. Taking that “first irreversible step”? Does that mean i color and cut my hair, or just the cut? finally go to a dentist and have these hideous shards called teeth removed? get another job that pays me and my bills? chuck it all and go for the MFA (including taking out a second mortgage on the house, etc. etc.). it all sounds crazy. i don’t know which decision to make first.

then i go to a writer’s group, a Meet Up actually, this evening. Nice people, though not a good fit for me. you see, i’m a poet and no amount of dynamite will blast me off this. i’m going to learn, one way or another, to write good poetry. Poetry that makes a person think and say “huh” long after the open mic event is over. poetry like i learned at the feet of the master–James Officer–that speaks directly to the soul. i’m gonna learn to write good poetry whatever it takes. i pray for the ability to write better.

so i can’t fold and stuff myself into a mold that calls me to become a sci fi writer, which was the trend/pattern of this writing group.

thus i made a decision–i’m gonna start my own Meet Up for poets…just poets. no open mic; in fact nobody better read anything when we come together. the reading shall already be done. let the critiquing begin.

i shall write poems
hemorrhaging from each pore
until my pen stops

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