lonely work

as i look at pictures of some of the women of spoken word, celebrating a birthday, i realize just how lonely my life can be at times. tis true that isolation is its own reward because it is when i am alone i can hear to write, but i am beginning to feel the crave for companionship again. how wonderful it would be to have a friend who knows and understands what i go through as a writer.

the loneliness sometimes makes me want to give up and stick with it at the same time. it’s interesting.

meanwhile, i contemplate beginning another blog chronicling the life of my mother. so many interesting things are happening with her. for example, when i visited with her on sunday (8-1-10) she seemed especially pitiful. all kinds of things were going on with her. she seemed disoriented and confused, hadn’t slept the night before and didn’t seem to have eaten anything in the past few days.

her mangled toes poked out from under
the edge of her ragged leg warmers
that she wears as socks
the toes are bend and crooked
crippled from years of arthritic distress
she tries in vain to cover them
by using the tip of her cane
to anchor part of it down while
she furtively pulls her foot backward
i believe
as i always do
i could easily fix this
like i believe i could fix
the broken toilet
the busted water pipe
the stuck window
the television
the radio
if only she would trust
in the God who formed and fashioned her
and let me do it
but she won’t
so she goes on with her life
wearing the same clothes every single day
oh, i feel my heart breaking again
as i think of yet another things that
not right
i want to help
i want to help
she does not want my help

the end

when this is over and the dust of guilt has settled, my mother will be gone and I will have no peace about it. i ask God to help me each day to get to the next and…He does. each day i ask for the strength to care for mother because it, like writing, is lonely work.

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