treading water

Kuursaal

Image by Ruukel via Flickr

It’s been a whirlwind–no question about it. As a writer, these last few days have been a tremendous struggle for me. It is now 5:30 am, the sacred hour of the day when I, as a writer, can get better acquainted with the writer I know.  I can spend a few minutes talking with her, and more importantly listening to her. I can catalogue and dialogue with her and she will talk for hours if given the chance.  Simply put, it’s worth the early hour of the day for the chance to spend time with her. I enjoy her company.

Almost at the exact moment I decided to take the “Post-A-Day” challenge from WordPress, everything began to spin out of control. And the poet in me was under siege. Mother fell a week ago, and my life has been in a tail spin ever since. I try not to think too much about it, but it makes me sad that things are changing the way they are. I’m moving so fast that I can barely grab a burger and a nap. Lately, that seems all I want. I long for the solace that writing provides, because I seem to never be alone and able to hear my own thoughts. Or when I am alone, I’m so tired I drift off to asleep.

On her first night in the hospital I tried to make it work. I approached it as a journalistic opportunity for me. I set out to chronicle every sound and nuance beginning from the ambulance ride, to the emergency room at the local hospital, to her time on the floor. But details quickly began to get away from me and I found myself swept away in the details of managing her life–leaving my life adrift in the middle of a big ocean.

Having never learned to swim my only hope was to tread water until help came.

Now somewhat suddenly my writing group becomes crucial. My writing practice becomes incredibly important and something to be cherished and protected. Perseverance is the name of the game. Defeating distractions and those things that inevitably get in the way of writing: procrastination, illness, death, technology, ineffective time management.

This is the first entry written since last week. It’s not much, but it’s a start…and that’s all that breaking free is; to begin.

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2 Responses to “treading water”

  1. Hoping that your mother is doing better. best wishes. And keep writing.

    • Greetings, Laavventura!

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Yes, mother is 100% better. Of course, managing her care has been taxing on me at times, but Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Provides) has always been faithful. Stay tuned, I’m writing about her and my experiences in a new blog I’m developing in the hope it will help others who are in the boat with me! Grace & peace.

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